Soldier On

I say soldier on because I haven't been well since last Thursday and yet you just have to suck it up and get on with it. I am feeling a little knackered though.

It is times like these I wish my son wasn't so against formula so I could have a break, he could go off with daddy and I could just rest and chill out.

Another gf recently said that her husband gets to have all these hours being him and she only gets snippets of being her (if you know what I mean). I could totally relate to that and knew what she meant. You become a different version of yourself once you have a baby - you become mum. There is very little time off from being on mum duty where you can just be you, without being the mum version. I don't know if that makes sense to people.

I am torn though, even though I would like a break...I would miss my son. I wouldn't really know what to do with myself. Although I think it would be nice to just have some quiet time and relax.

I think my husband doesn't think that I trust that he can look after our son on his own, that is not the case...I am more concerned with how our son would go without me. There are times when nobody but me can comfort him and I don't like the thought of him getting upset if I am not there to make it better.

This is probably why we still haven't left him with his nanna so we can go see that movie. I want to...I just stress that he will get really worked up and I am not sure that I could enjoy my time away while that thought is running through my mind.

I am going to have to do it sometime though, I am still yet to have spent more than an hour away from him since he was born almost 5 months ago (and that is to do grocery shopping so nothing exciting).

I was almost a little jealous of the time my husband got to spend away, although he missed our son like crazy, but he got to go out to dinner and socialise etc. I was definitely envious...

I had said before our son was born that I wanted us to have a date night once a month where we we go out to dinner or a movie or just something to spend some quality time just the two of us. I am still yet to make that happen but I have no one to blame for that but myself. I haven't felt able to leave him with anyone yet for fear of how he will react.

Anyway I have rambled enough, I guess I am just tired and in need of a time-out.